This anthology is similar to Getting Bi, but its content is more focused (just on bi men), and the section themes are different: identity, challenging labels, liminality, institutions, “anger, angst, and critique,” bodies and embodiment, religion and spirituality, traveling, and relationships. Each chapter is also longer, on average, than the ones in Getting Bi.
I’m really glad they made this book. Many of the men say they thought they were the only bi men in the world, or at least were the only bi men they knew. One chapter is an exploration of phallagocentrism and bi visibility— how if a man is even a little bit interested in another man, or a penis, he is Gay. Women have more leeway. Bi women are more visible. I can name a handful of bi women characters from television (usually ethnically ambiguous side characters who serve as love interests to a more important white male character), even if the representation is not very good. But I can only name two bi men from TV off the top of my head, and that’s only because my partner reminded me of one of them (Blaine, on Glee) today. (The other one is Wolf from Future Man, who I actually really adore as a character.) Another difference is that bi women are seen as “secretly straight,” while bi men are seen as secretly gay.
I don’t know if this is true, but I think I’m also left with the impression that bi men are more likely to stay closeted for longer.
I also wonder if there’s any patterns between bi people (across genders) who start out being very sure they have same sex attractions and take longer to accept/embrace their different-sex attractions, vs. people who start out being very sure they are straight and have to realize they also have same-sex feelings.
I marked three places in this book to come back to:
p.27 - notes that closeted bi men married to women might be the biggest bisexual demographic and/or the one most in need of outreach and community.
p.96-97- the author’s bisexual literacy journey (from expository nonfiction to memoirs to Tumblr) and notes that sometimes being bisexual IS confusing and you ARE confused about your sexuality while still being bisexual. Sometimes the activism around “bisexuals aren’t just confused” (which is important) swings too far the other way, such as in his case— he felt like it was not okay for him to be confused.
p.105- talking about how activities through his union helped him feel comfortable with his sexual identity. Haven’t seen this before!